I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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