why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize