if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
