Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
