it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
