So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
