he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
