Just fell off a train. Bad.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
