that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I want is dick and wine.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
