i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
