I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
