i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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