Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
