whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
