You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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