you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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