shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
