Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
