he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
