neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
