a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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