i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
