She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
