apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
