It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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