Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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