I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
