i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
