Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
