I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
