I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
