"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
whose ass print is on the piano?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
