If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
