genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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