I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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