drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
