Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
