Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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