we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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