We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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