I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
