so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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