I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
