It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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