sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
