Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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