My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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