Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
