its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
