tell your sister to shave her snatch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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