It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
