Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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