Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
