i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
