no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
