shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
