I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
