Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
