the day after is always just damage control
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
