I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
