Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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