yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sarcasm needs its own font
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
