I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
