im having a threesome with these popsicles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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