At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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