either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
